Love is a Battlefield - My 2nd 10K

Well, folks, I did it. Two weeks, two 10Ks!

You may recall from my last post that I didn't do nearly as much mental preparation (read: worrying and obsessing) for this race as I did for my last one, because what could I really do in two weeks?

My training did suffer in between these two races - I actually only ran 3 times in the past two weeks (one of which was a 10 mile long run, to my credit!). I was disappointed in myself for slacking off, but I wasn't really worried about my performance. I knew that in the week leading up to this latest race, it wasn't really going to make that much of a difference that I hadn't added one more 4-5 mile run. In fact, I figured it might actually help because I would be more well-rested. The only run I did that week was 5 miles on Wednesday, and it was terrible - apparently I was still recovering from my 10 miler 3 days ago.

We had beautiful race weather on Sunday - sunny and cold but not freezing. The course was mostly clear except for one particularly brutal patch that was hard packed snow and was AWFUL to run on. The course was a double-loop of a 5K, so we had to run over this section not once but twice. And of course, the second time it came up was in the last .5 miles of the course! Arg!

I managed to finish the course in 54:00. This is 52 seconds slower than my previous time. I'm not at all dissatisfied with this time, but I was a wee bit confused because I really felt like I was running faster during this race than the last. For the first three miles, my times at the mile markers looked better than they had two weeks ago, so I thought I was on track to beat my time. I guess I must have slowed down at some point during the 2nd half, or that snow got to me more than I thought it did. The competition also seemed a little tougher at this race. I definitely saw more runners ahead of me at the turn-arounds, and more runners were able to gain on me and pass me throughout the race.

Oh well, it was still good enough for 9th place - and another medal! Whoo hoo!

If you'll recall, my take-away from my last 10K was "trust in your training". So what did I take away from this 10K? Well, for starters - you should still trust in your training. But the word that comes to mind when I recall this race is: fight.

Racing 6.2 miles is hard. It really is. And if you want to do well, or even finish at all, you have to fight your way through it. Because it's not easy. It's exhausting and challenging. You have to fight through every mile to get to the finish. You have to keep those feet moving even when your body gets worn out, and you have to tell yourself to keep going, you can do it, you'll get there.

You only get one shot to go out there and do a good job. It's not like training, where you can just do better the next day, or do it over if you don't like your result. This is it. You have to put everything you have out on that course and fight. Even if you don't care about your time or your placement, and you're just running for fun, you still only get one shot at making it a fun race and having a good time out there. Whether you didn't train as much as you'd like, or you just flat out didn't train enough, you have to go out there and give it your all. If for no other reason than you paid for it. Might as well go out and get your money's worth.

So far in my 2014 races I have learned that it's important to trust in your training, no matter how slowly it feels like it's going. And now I've learned that, although a race is fun, it's also a battle. You have to fight your way through. If you do your best and still don't place well, it could be a number of things: your competition was tough, the course was weird, etc. But you still get to walk away knowing you did your best and had a great race.

Now, looking forward: my next race, on March 22nd, is a 15K. This is also my last race before my half marathon. Honestly, I'm kinda freaked out! Running a 10K is really tough - how am I ever going to do well in a 9.3 mile race, let alone finish it?! More than once I've toyed with the idea of switching to the 10K. I won't, though. I know that racing 9.3 miles will be good preparation for racing the half marathon distance, plus, I don't want to back down from a good challenge! But, I am nervous. I will definitely have to amp up my training when I get back from El Salvador!

Oh, why not? Another 10K!

Deja vu? Nope, I really am running another 10K on February 16th, only two weeks after my first!

And yet, my mindset going into this race is completely different.

Obviously, this is no longer my first 10K. I have that experience under my belt now and I don't need to worry about not knowing whether I can make it through or what it's going to be like.

I could worry about beating my new PR of 53:08 or placing in the top 10 for my age group again. But, I'm just not. Two weeks isn't really enough time to significantly improve a PR that is already pretty great to begin with, so putting pressure on myself to overcome it is futile. And, as long as I give the performance I'm capable of, my age group placement is really dependent on how many other people are competing in my age group and how good they are. Whether 53:08 is good enough for 6th place or 25th place is entirely dependent on my competition. And that is something I have no control over. Since the weather is going to be almost 20 degrees warmer for this race than it was for the last two, it's very possible there will be a lot more people racing this time. So, que sera.

I know it sounds cliche, but I really just want to go out there and have fun. That's why I like racing: it's fun. It's fun to put on my tunes and let the crowd and the camaraderie push me through the course, and it's fun to feel that blissful exhaustion at the finish line.

I think a big part of my new attitude this time around is that I have a lot more on my mind. I'm leaving for my trip to El Salvador in less than two weeks. I've been reading more, and doing more social things, and watching the Olympics. Not that running has taken a back seat! No sir-ee, I am not neglecting my training. But I've had other things to keep me occupied this month so I haven't been obsessing about this upcoming race.

And finally, I've started to feel like I'm just kinda over these small races. My first half-marathon is less than 3 months away. Actually, it's 11.5 weeks away. That's not a lot of weeks, considering I started training for it over 8 MONTHS out. In less than 3 months I'll know what it's like to finish a half-marathon. In less than 8 months, I'll know what it's like to finish a MARATHON. Now, don't get me wrong: I don't think small races are beneath me and I'm not scoffing at them (after all, I am still running them, right?) It's just that the achievement of my BIG goals looming on the horizon makes it kinda hard to muster the same level of excitement for 5 and 10Ks, you know? I just want that half to be here NOW. I'm sooo anxious for my big races and spring'summer running weather I could burst.

So, here we go. Another notch in my hydration belt! The good news? The high on Sunday is in the mid-20s! For the first time since October, I get to run a race in temperatures over 20 degrees! WHOO HOO!!!!

Running and Balance

As many of you know, in a couple weeks I am leaving on a 10-day trip to El Salvador with Habitat for Humanity, where myself and a team of other young professionals will be building homes for families in need.

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Natrually, I can't help but worry about how this will affect my training. It's doubtful that I'll be able to do any running in El Salvador, since we will be on a tight schedule during the day and we're really not supposed to go anywhere alone for safety reasons. I mean, it's not like I'll be sitting on the beach drinking margaritas for 10 days (wouldn't that be nice!), we'll be very active, but the thought of getting "behind" does make me nervous - when I get back I will have just over two months until my first half marathon.

I know, I know, I shouldn't worry - I'm at a good place in my training, my long run is up to 10 miles, I will be fine for a half marathon in May even with the break. But, that's me: worry worry worry.

Every once in a while, we all encounter something that jolts us into stepping outside of ourselves for a moment and getting some perspective. This trip is an exciting, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. I get to travel to another country. I get to go on an adventure. I get to bond with other young professionals. I get to escape to a warmer climate. And, most importantly, I get to help people in need.

So...what's the big deal that I'll miss a few runs?

A couple months ago, I read an article in Runner's World about the importance of tapering before big races, which emphasized that a big part of staying sane during the tapering process is keeping yourself busy with other hobbies, interests, friends, etc.

But what about when you're not tapering? As I'm learning now, balance is just as important during the times when you are training hard as it is when you are tapering.

When you love something, it's really hard not to get caught up in it. I did fall in love with running after I started it, and sometimes all I want to do is talk about running, and make running friends, and talk to them about running, and train, and train and train and train so I can get good. But love without balance turns into obsession. Running is a big part of me. It's one of the biggest, actually. But it's still not the only part of me, nor do I want it to be.

If all I cared about was running....what would happen to the friends in my life who aren't runners? I would alienate and then lose them. What about all those hours in the week when I'm not running? I would be bored and restless. Now, this is pretty extreme. I don't know any runners who are actually like this. But the problem is that my love of running and motivation to run present themselves more urgently and have a tendency to take over other things in my life.

Here are some of the other things that I love, that need room in my life:

• Reading. This is my oldest passion and, unfortunately, the one that gets thrown on the back burner often. I belong to a book club and enjoy the opportunity to discuss books, so it's important to me that I make time to read so I can continue to cultivate this part of me and develop better connections with other bibliophiles

• Spending quality time with loved ones.

• Sleep. This one seems obvious, but in addition to needing sleep, I happen to really enjoy it. I actually sacrifice quite a bit because I insist on going to bed early enough to get at least 8 hours of sleep every night - even if I'm not tired.

• Keeping a clean, tidy house. I suck at keeping up with housework. I value a clean, comfy living space very much, but for some reason, I can't seem to make this a priority.

• Making friends and networking. This is important to me, and as an introverted homebody, I have to work 3x as hard as others to be successful at this. I belong to a couple of volunteer organizations, so it's important to make time for the events and meetings these organizations have so I can get to know people better.

• Volunteering. I am on the marketing committee for a great local organization called Ex Fabula, and I also take advantage of several volunteer opportunities through another great organization I'm a member of called WGIRLS Milwaukee. These need time because I've committed to them, because it's crucial for me to serve my community, and because being involved further helps me with making friends and networking.

• Writing and other projects, e.g., this blog!

• Unstructured time to hang out, go somewhere, watch TV, whatever! It seems counter intuitive to schedule in unstructured time, but it is important. Some people try to squeeze productivity into every free minute of their day, but I don't believe in micromanaging my life that way. I need down time!

• Having a healthy diet. It's really difficult with a busy schedule, but I try as often as possible to do some home cooking during the week so I have something healthful to eat and don't have to waste money on eating out.  And, obviously, this is necessary for a runner!

And yet, I still have it easier than many runners, who are balancing their running with having children and working full-time! Not having children affords me the luxury of pursuing a lot more commitments in my life...but that doesn't make it easy! This is the point where I am building a foundation for the type of person I want to become and what my life is going to be all about. I need to choose wisely.

So, how do I go about balancing all of these things in perfect harmony? What's the magic formula? There isn't one. Most people go their entire adult lives trying to figure out balance, and who knows how many of them are successful.

Juggling activities, commitments, and interests is just something I have to work on. But what I can do is remember this: having a life outside of running enhances my running. Doing other things that give me energy makes me feel fresh and recharged going into training or a race. I contribute to the diversity of the running community by being a unique runner with my own mission and reasons for running.

And, hopefully learning all of this NOW will help when I have to endure my first dreaded taper! Eeek!

Trust Your Training - My First 10K

 I'd eaten my Cheerios and drank my glass of orange juice. I'd picked an outfit. I'd put in my training. I'd worried all week about weather conditions. And now, here I was: the frigid morning of February 2nd. Others were preparing for Super Bowl parties and I was nervously waiting to start my first 10K race.

When I run a 5K, I may not know what time I'll get, where I'll place, or whether it will be a good race or a bad race. But I know what it's going to take and I know what it's like to race 3 miles. I didn't know what it's like to race 6 miles. It could be way easier than I expected, or it could be much harder. It could fly by, or I could run out of steam midway through. I have run 6 miles and more in training, but only for long runs, when I intentionally take it easy. I'd never raced it. Could I do it?

I bounced around in the starting corral with the other runners, trying to keep warm. Please, please please pleeeeaaassee pace yourself, I begged myself for the umpteenth time in the past few weeks. DO NOT START TOO FAST!

I had learned my lesson from my last 5K and as I made my way across the starting line, I knew I couldn't let the initial first couple minutes of bottleneck bother me this time. It's ok, I told myself. Besides, everyone else here is impacted by it too.

I managed to hit a sweet spot with my pacing early on. I was working hard, but I hadn't pushed myself to my limit either. I was impressed when I passed the first mile marker and it said 8:37. Not bad! Even more good news was waiting for me at the 3 mile maker: if this were a 5K I would have beat my best time by a whole two minutes!

As I began seeing the faster runners pass me on the turnaround, and the runners behind me that I passed on turnarounds, it hit me: I could pull this off. I was running a good pace, there were still a ton of people behind me...it's very possible I actually COULD medal! So I pushed myself hard through the rest of the course, thinking about that medal, imagining it as mine to lose. I was still careful not to push too hard, but I knew I could NOT slow down. And I didn't. Adrenaline pumped me through those next two miles.

Then, around mile 5, I started to feel that clench in my stomach when I'm starting to run out of energy. No, I thought, no no no no no do NOT burn out now! You're so close! For most of the race, I had maintained a fairly isolated position in the crowd where very few people were running around me. I knew that at this point I wasn't going to catch up to anyone and the pack behind me probably wouldn't catch up to me, so I was able to relax a little bit. But I kept fighting through. As I rounded into the home stretch, I forgot about how tired I was and pushed myself to the finish line. The timer ticked on as I approached the mat: 53:26...27...28...29.....

I had run my first 10k in 53 MINUTES!! My boyfriend greeted me at the finish line and only then did I realize the sheer amount of energy I had used to race those 6 miles. I could barely speak!

Well, that was that. It was over. I felt great. 53 minutes was an awesome time and no matter what, I was confident I hadn't placed last in my age group (my fear going into this). I stepped up to the receipt reader to get my official results and when the woman handed it to me, she said, "Congratulations!"

...oh my god. That means...that means....I had done it?!?

I snatched up my receipt and looked for my age group results. Sure enough: 6th place!!! I had done it!! I had earned my first race medal!! And I had done it in my first ever 10K, at that! I had beaten women in my age group who have run multiple 10Ks before. I couldn't believe it!

This frigid February day had just become the highlight of my running career so far.

My first medal!

Usually it's only bad experiences that have clear "take-aways". We are accustomed to having to learn from our bad experiences because that's how we make sense of them, and we just take the good experiences and run with them. Despite how well this race went, I still learned one very important thing: trust in your training.

I was able to run those 6.2 miles and keep a good pace because of all that training I put in. Even though I had never raced 6.2 miles before, or even run it very fast, all the training I did helped. It all meant something.

Doing the majority of my running outside, including long runs and tempo runs, even when it's bitterly cold, and dark, and slushy and snowy and miserable, has made me a tougher competitor and prepared me to run even in the most dreadful conditions. Although those runs can be miserable, I'm secretly glad that this season came at this point in my training. When my bigger races come up later this year, in more ideal weather, I will have already faced down most of the worst possible conditions to run in.

Even though they are shorter runs, doing speed work on the treadmill has helped too. It has made me push myself and test the limits of how long I can run at really fast speeds.

Trust your training. In between races it begins to feel stagnant, and it's frustrating that you can't quite get it to where you feel you should be for a race. But it's working. All of it counts. All of it makes the race performance possible. Trust your training, and trust the race day adrenaline. A good race will show you what you are really capable of, but you can't get there without training. Always do your best in training, knowing that it will pay off even if it doesn't seem like it will.

Meaning In Between

Lately, I can't help but wonder if I'm doing it all backwards.

Maybe it would have been better to do these smaller races (5Ks, 10Ks) after I had successfully completed my half-marathon. The half-marathon was my initial big goal, what pushed me headfirst into my journey to become a runner. Maybe if I had waited until I knew the thrill of successfully completing my half-marathon after all those months of hard work, it wouldn't matter so much where I place or how fast my time is in each of these 5Ks and 10Ks because I'd know what's really important. I needed these races for practice and I really enjoy racing them, but they mean different things to me than the bigger races and I think that training my attention on each of them is obfuscating my overall vision and inspiration for running in the first place.

It's a tough balance between wanting to do well and wanting to do well enough. Where is that fine line? They tell us it doesn't matter where you finish, as long as you went out there and ran. I want to believe that, but telling myself just isn't enough. If I don't perform as well as I know I'm capable of, how can I just not care? In my most recent 5Ks, I placed 17th and 13th in my age group, respectively. That's pretty darn good for a beginner. If, after even more training and growth, I went back and did another 5K and were to place 35th or 50th in my age group even though I tried my best, how could that not be disappointing? Once you see what you're capable of, how can you go back?

But doubt becomes exhausting, and as I chew on these questions and more in the days leading up to my first 10K, the questions in my mind have shifted in the other direction. What does it matter? What difference does it make? I mean, really. I'm just spinning my wheels when I obsess over times and placements and future races because, at the end of the day: I am where I am. That's it. I will train and I will try and whatever the result of that is, well: it is what it is.

Since I don't believe in vague platitudes as affirmation, let me try to explain better.  It's exhausting worrying about other people's times, or learning the times of people I know and thinking, "wow, that's really fast, I can never be that good," or, "I could do that, right? I really hope I can beat that." I am not those people, and I never will be. It would be great to be as fast as the faster runners I know...but if I'm not, I'm not. Some people have been running since they were in grade school. Some people just have more innate ability. I have what I have. It's natural to feel competitive with your contemporaries, and to feel a little jealous of people who are just better than you. But really, isn't it kind of stupid to measure and compare myself against a different person, with a different body, and a different life?

It would be great if I could be really fast, too. I would love it if one day I could run a marathon in under 4:00, or a half marathon in under 2:00, or get an age group medal in a 10K. What runner wouldn't? Maybe I will one day. Or maybe I won't. Maybe I will just never be fast enough. And my biggest struggle as a runner is to get myself to a point where that's okay. I'll be honest, I'm still not there. I wonder if it's not actually harder work to get to that point mentally than it is to get my body fast enough to meet those goals.

And what if those things did happen? Then what? Well, I'd have a pretty medal. And some hella bragging rights. And I'd feel really good about myself. But in the end....it's really just one good race on one good day. No matter how good or bad you race, it's all over once you cross that finish line. Then everyone celebrates their accomplishment for a while, takes a moment to bask in euphoria or wallow in disappointment, and by the next day everyone has moved on with their lives.

I guess that's the hard thing about being an athlete or a performer. You pour all of your time and effort an energy into these big events, and in an instant, they're over. It's bittersweet for both winners and losers: if you did well, you can't make it last, if you did poorly, you can't get it back.

The running I do in between races has to mean something. It has to be worth it. There has to be a reason, beyond simply shaving a few minutes off an old race time, to lace up and hit the road. My journey to become a runner is centered around figuring out what that something "more" is. I know it's there, otherwise I would have quit already. For some people, it's because running builds strength in mind and body. For others, it's the satisfaction of watching yourself get better at something, of setting goals and achieving them, of going out and doing the one thing you didn't think you could do (like run a half marathon!!). And for some, it's simply because they enjoy running: they run for the runner's high, and the exercise, and the feeling of being healthy, and that's enough for them.

I think for me, my "something more" is a combination of all of those. I need to hone in on what exactly it is, because I need it. I need it to keep me in check when I start obsessing over beating old times and comparing myself to other runners. I need it so I remember how it felt to be a new runner, how happy I was just to be out there and setting goals for myself.

A quote in my "Run Pretty Far" calendar that I like. Like life, running is a journey and I want to make sure I do it right!

6.2 or Bust: Getting Mentally Ready for my 1st 10K

On February 2nd, not only will I run my first race of 2014, but also my first ever 10K! As I prepare to run 6.2 miles in competition, I'm feeling both energized and a little nervous.

I always think it's better to end on a positive note, so I'll talk about the "nervous" part first :-)

My long runs are up to 8 miles now (by race day, they should be up to 10). So, I CAN run 6.2 miles...but can I race it? I'm trying to be confident that I can, even if it seems daunting right now. I only recently passed the point where I can run 6.2, let alone up my pace during a run that long! I still have over two weeks before the race, and I have been starting to do more speed and tempo work in my training, so I'm hoping that I will be able to reach a good pace during that 10K, even if I can't sustain it the entire race.

Also, the dynamics of a 10K race are different. 5Ks were a lot less pressure, because twice as many people run the 5Ks in the Winter Run Series. Many people run/walk or jog the 5Ks and they attract many first-timers, so as long as I'm in good shape I'm pretty much guaranteed to finish at a comfortable place in the standings. 10Ks, however, usually only attract other runners such as myself. In the Winter Run Series, there are usually about 25-40ish people in my age group for the 10K. From looking at results I can see that all of them got pretty decent times. So, even if I run a great 10K and finish with a good time, it's still very possible I could be in last place. I know that shouldn't matter, but let's be honest - no one likes being in last place!

Now, on to the energizing part!

Despite all that I am nervous about, I'm excited to start running 10Ks. I guess after racing a few 5Ks, I'm just ready to take on a new challenge. I remember my first 5K in October, how exciting it was to be doing this for the first time and how I couldn't wait to just get out there and see what I was capable of. And now I get to feel that again! I have this sense of a "clean slate" - it's nice to have something new to think about, to write about, and to train for.

I think, in the end, my excitement outweighs my fears. Because at the end of the day, I really just love races and I can't wait to get back out there and take on another one!

I don't want a repeat of my last race, where I became obsessed with doing really well and forgot what it was all about. I'm trying to remind myself that even if I come in last place, that's not what this is about. I'm a new runner running her first 10K - what's important is getting this experience, having fun, and being proud of myself for taking on a new running challenge.

Race Recap - Running into the New Year - literally!

How did you celebrate on New Year's Eve? I don't know about you, but part of my celebration was running a 5k! I loved the idea of this race from the minute I heard about it. A NYE 5k, how cool is that?!

Mustering a smile post-run

I have to admit that this race was a little disappointing.  I really wanted to beat my previous time of 28:22, and sadly, I was not able to do that.

Because of the weather, there were some last minute changes to the course, but it was still less than ideal. I appreciate the volunteers and staff of this event going out of their way and working harder to accommodate these conditions, and I understand there is only so much that could be done. Much of the course was pretty slippery, and the beginning was really narrow so there was some considerable bottleneck going into it. Because of the iffy roads and the freezing cold temperatures that day, a lot of people didn't show up and it seemed like morale was a little bit down. I know it was for me, because I was there by myself (Kevin had to work and couldn't come with me, and none of my friends were there). So I think that I and many others just wanted to run the race and get out of there.The festivity I imagined around this race just wasn't there.

Well, except maybe for these folks:

If the temperatures had been slightly more bearable and the roads/course not so affected by ice and snow, this event would have been a blast. And, I probably would have performed better.

I understand that these things aren't under my control. There is nothing I can do about the weather and the course conditions. Once it gets to that, I just have to do my best and be proud of myself for it.

I read a great article in Runner's World recently about bouncing back from disappointing races. The first step, they say, is to acknowledge what was and wasn't under your control. The weather wasn't under my control, but some factors were under my control.

Once the bottleneck at the beginning eased up, I overcompensated trying to make up the time lost from the slow start. That was a mistake. Before I even hit mile 1 I was worn out. My legs felt heavy and tired for every step of that race. For the first time ever, I wasn't enjoying a race, I just wanted it to be over. And then, the pinnacle of lack of preparation: my shoe came untied (really?? REALLY?!?).

Waiting to start the race...guess I should have been paying more attention to these laces!

Also, I think I had some unrealistic expectations going into this race. I really built this one 5K up in my mind and for some reason, it was uber-important to me to beat my previous time. This is my last 5K before I go on to bigger races (well, for the forseeable future anyway), and there's a chance I won't be as good or fast in longer distances, so I guess I wanted to get one last taste of victory before the hard stuff comes. I remember the thrill of my November 5K and how good it felt to beat my time, and I wanted that again. I actually trained harder for this one than the previous ones, and I didn't want all that to be for nothing. Or maybe it's just that it was the last day of the year and I wanted to go out in a blaze of glory.

It wasn't until my drive home that I realized I had become way too obsessed with this one race. I wanted to beat my old time so bad that I lost my perspective. This is just one race, it's not the be-all-end-all of everything. I had to remind myself that I have bigger goals - my halves and my full - and I need to remain focused on those. Those are what's really important, those are what I'm running for. I love small races and it's important to me to do well in them, but I need to remember to put things in perspective. Beating my goal 5K time and being higher up in the results than I expected are great feelings, but not as great as the feeling of crossing the finish line of my first half and then my first full marathon.

I also needed to put things in perspective to remind myself that just because I didn't live up to my expectations, doesn't mean I did that badly. I came in at 29:21, which is still a respectable time considering what we had to work with. I was 14th in my age group of 50 women. That's not bad at all! Hey, I'll drink a complimentary beer to that!

Since I had already taken 2 pictures in front of this thing, I was a little embarrassed to go back and ask another stranger to get a shot of me with my eyes open

"Linked together for hope": a world record attempt at 500 people running a 5K linked together! Don't think they reached 500 though :/

My next race (and 1st for 2014) is a 10K on February 2nd, one month from today. That's right, I'm movin' on up! A 10K will be much more challenging for me and I'm both nervous and excited to take it to the next level. Stay tuned!