Why I Run

Ah - the classic "why I run" piece. I can honestly say I never thought I'd write one of these. First of all, I didn't even think I had any overarching reason for running. Most of the "why I run" things I read sound like they could be on a Nike commercial or a Pinterest board full of inspirational quotes. I really didn't relate to any of those because I didn't think any of my reasons for running are buried that deep, honestly. I just want to do it, I like the challenge, I like the attainable goals and the regular exercise (and, of course, the runner's high).

But this weekend, it struck me that maybe I do have a deeper reason than bragging rights and stamina improvement - something that's been motivating me all along and I never knew.

This weekend was one of those times when I was thinking about a bunch of things that are stressful at work, and it made me feel like a goldfish in a bowl: all I could think of was escape. Instead of trying to deal with the stress I just started thinking of how I can't wait until I move up in the world and have a job where I don't have to deal with what I do now. Instead of keeping myself in the present, I daydream of the future and start wondering how the heck I'm gonna get there. It was easier when I was in AmeriCorps, or working part-time, or in college, because whenever things got stressful with my job or living situation I could comfort myself with "it's only temporary, I only have X more months and then I can move on and never look back." But now that I have a full-time job and a place in this community, I can't think like that. I'm here, and I'm committed to my job and my life. I can't just check out whenever things get stressful and unpleasant, and I can't escape my adult responsibilities. So instead, I've started to channel that fight-or-flight urge into running. Instead of figuratively trying to run away, well...I do it literally instead.

Running gives me a way to set my sights higher, break down barriers, and continually achieve greater things - even when I feel like I have no clue how to do that in my professional life. All of us feel like our daily stresses get the better of us sometimes, and it's easy to feel like they're the end of the world even if our head tries to tell us they're not. But running isn't like that. There is no run I can't conquer, and I know that. No matter how exhausted I get mid-run, I know that I can push through and keep going and be rewarded at the end with the sweet triumph of getting it done.

So, I guess that's why I run. Running is always there for me whenever my adult life responsibilities have me thinking "I WANT OUT!" In all those goals and all of those workouts, I can channel both the frustration of feeling overwhelmed by adult life stresses, and the desire to burst out of my life and into something better. Whatever's going on at work, it can't touch me when I'm running. In running I can regain the confidence in myself when it feels like everything else is out of control.

That, and it'll be pretty sweet to get some medals.