I know this sounds really stupid and petty, but I had this secret hope that I could just burst onto the scene and wow everyone with how fast I was and win all these races and stuff. Then I realized how many people I know are runners, and how many of them have been running much longer than I have, and how many of them have already achieved my goals, multiple times, and with better times than I'm likely to get. It made me feel so discouraged. I'm not special, I realized, and there will always be someone I know who is faster than I am. I'm not going to be in the top finishers of the next race I run, or the one after that, or the one after that. I have to remind myself that these people, and the friends I have who are better than me, have been working hard for years, have run many races and only slowly, steadily gotten better. It takes years - lifetimes, even - for elite athletes and other successful people to get to the top. I've been at it for....a month.
I know how ridiculous it sounds that I thought I could just spring up out of nowhere and be better than people who have been doing this for years. And maybe I deserve to be judged for that. But hopefully, before judging, the people reading this will also recall a time in their own lives when they were so excited about a new goal that they momentarily forgot about reality.
As I was cruisin' along through Discouragedville, a moment of clarity suddenly and rudely forced its way to the front of my long line of doubts. I asked myself: what's the worst that could happen? Let's say I try my hardest and I'm still not as good as everyone else, I don't get a good time, I don't "beat" my peers. If those things don't happen, what, at the end of the day, will still be true? Let's see:
- I will have accomplished my goal of completing a half-marathon
- I will be in great shape and reaping the benefits of continuous exercise
- I will have accomplished something that many, many people haven't
- I will have proven myself wrong, and will be a better person for it
I want to share some other examples that give me inspiration in the face of doubt. Hopefully these ladies can inspire you, too, whatever your goals may be.
1. Shawn Johnson
You've probably heard of Shawn, the now-retired American gymnast who won the silver medal in the All-Around at the 2008 Olympics. Like every gymnast, Shawn's lifelong goal was to be the Olympic All-Around champion. In one of the more candid moments of her autobiography, Winning Balance, Shawn describes the exact moment during the competition when, as she waited to begin her final routine, she saw her teammate Nastia Liukin's score flash onto the scoreboard and she realized, in front of millions of people, that the goal she'd worked her entire life for was mathematically impossible. She would not win the gold medal. Of course, it decimated her and all she could feel was frustration and hopelessness: why bother, she thought. But then, in the seconds before her routine began, she pulled herself together as she realized: I'm at the Olympics, representing my country. I can't control my scores, and I can't control the fact that I can no longer win the gold medal. But I can go out there and give the routine of my life and show everyone why I am still the best gymnast in the world. I can't win this gold medal, but I can win the hearts and minds of all the fans watching me right now. And she did. Shawn would go on to win gold in another event, but she says she wouldn't trade her All-Around silver medal for anything. "I won the All-Around in the way that meant the most to me," she said.
Now, I wouldn't even dream of comparing my goal to Shawn's accomplishments. But this moment from her life is a great reminder that I don't have to be the best to do my best. I don't have to win or beat others to show people what I'm made of. People will respect you for working hard, giving it your all, and having a good spirit throughout. There are different ways to win.
2. Liz Murray
Another place I recently found inspiration was the autobiography Breaking Night: My Journey from Homeless to Harvard. The title sums it up pretty well: Liz Murray tells us her story of going from homeless by age 13, to eventually getting a NY Times scholarship and being admitted to the most prestigious school in the world. She notes that when she was interviewing for the scholarship and applying to Harvard, she really had no idea how nervous she ought to be, how hugely significant these endeavors were, or the enormity of the odds against her. In retrospect, Liz says, one of the reasons she was successful in both of these pursuits was that she didn't know what a big deal they were. If she had known how competitive that scholarship was or how unlikely it is to get into Harvard, she would have gotten discouraged and doubtful and talked herself out of the things she was working so hard for.
I, on the other hand, can't go back an unlearn what I know about the larger context of my goals. But I can choose to block all of that out and, like Liz, focus on what actually matters: working for my goals, achieving something for myself, and making myself better.
I still get doubtful and discouraged sometimes. But with the inspiration of Shawn, Liz, my own epiphanies, and the supportive people in my life, I am getting past my insecurities so I can focus on what really matters.
If any of my runner friends are reading this, I'd love to hear from you about how you overcome doubt and where you get inspiration. Pass it on! :)
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